Letter the eleventh: where's my free news?

This one isn't really crazy but it's the principle of it.

[PUBLISHER],
Though the [NEWSPAPER] is published only twice per week I would hope that the website woudl be kep up-to-date. I have been viewing the same 'headlines' for the past 2 weeks*, i.e. latest website entries (Sept. 11-Sept 24 '09). The same with the Obituary Listing (Obituary marked Oct 9, 09 has listed obituaries from October 2 and no further). How can the obituaries be marked October 9th, when today is only October 8, 09. ??
Inconsistency, to say the least.

I once had the [NEWSPAPER] delivered to my address a few years back. Because the '[CLEVER DIMINUTIVE FOR THE NEWSPAPER]" was cutting back on their subscribers, they deemed it unecessary not to have home delivery at my address in [LOCATION], because they considered me in the 'boonies.' That's fine if they wished it this way. ... but at least try to keep the website updated so that we would have the most recent local/state news and the most recent obituaries in the [REGION].
Thank you for your time.
[Signature]
[CUTESY INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE SIGNATURE]



The journalist sending this said, as far he knows, no one has been persuaded to unsubscribe because it's too far away. In fact, the paper is delivered by the U.S. Postal Service so they don't care how far away someone is. "Furthermore, cutting back on subscribers seems like stupidest effing idea I've ever heard," the contributor said. "If that were a policy, the person who agreed to it needs a pica pole up the ass. Sideways."

So, says the Leditor Editor, this person is complaining about a dearth of free hyperlocal news because the newspaper allegedly persuaded this person not to pay for it?

Yes, how dare you not give your product away for free for people who don't want to pay for it.

I believe that online is the future. For starters, we'll stop killing trees like they're zombies. It is important for sites to be fresh or that "e-newspaper" is going to be left by the wayside.  At the same time, we have to stop giving them away online.  Right now, advertising on paper is still what business want and if we aren't getting smushed dead trees with ink on them out of the metal boxes, we aren't getting paid. That department store has better chances of someone idly flipping through their glossy circular than any company hoping someone will click the flashing ad in the corner and poke around their site.

When it comes to national news, the physical ad people become a problem because the necessity is for people to be on the site and it would be great if all the ads and viewers were there. This is because, if news isn't posted on the site as it happens some blogger is going to have it everywhere or an online only news site will have it and your version in print the next day is beyond yesterday's news.

With a hyperlocal, where else are they going to get it?  That big city daily doesn't care about the garden club or [SHOT!] JV Football (NOT THE VARSiTY). Until the industry finally gets completely into the late 20th century in 2024, we need to squeeze every penny out of the printed page. You can have a Web site with digital frilly edges and shiny things but don't give away the hyperlocal news.

If they don't like it, tough. It's not like it's not over $2.  If you have concerns about your hippie trees, the Arbor Day Foundation will give you some to plant for a donation.

*As an aside, the contributor said the complaint had to have come during the site's redesign and the naming of new people to update the site. At the time, there was a message that the new site was under construction and those issues just didn't make it online. Only two issues had been missed since the relaunch and that was because those new people forgot they volunteered themselves for the duty. That happened after this e-mail was sent.

Thursday Deaths, vol. 1

We're going to deviate a little bit here because, content is still slim. Really, guys: There's nearly 60 of you in the Facebook group (and most of you are journalists) and there aren't any strange letters/e-mails/whatever coming to your media organization?

For a couple of six Thursdays, I'm going to do Thursday Deaths. One of the contributors, who is running the Facebook fan page, used to work at a newspaper where it was his job to put in obituaries when he worked on the weekend. As a rule, the funeral homes sent obits to the obituary-only e-mail account with the name of the deceased as the subject. At some point, the account started getting spam.  Here's his take on the poor souls that  bit the dust that he  posted to his Facebook in early 2008.

I'm sorry to say that we must now give our condolences to the families of:
• Blue-pill world news;
• Amaze the girls with your gigantic tool;
• Make your own home sex video, and show off your new big ...;
• An incredible huge schl0ng is no longer an impossibility; and
• Increase by inches today


These folks were truly working stiffs. Now they're just stiff. There is no word as to when the rock-hard memorial stones will be erected.
May they rest in peace.

letter the tenth: flux capacitor needed for recongn ... recongin ... aw, forget it

This leditor came to a sports editor in Virginia whose paper comes out twice a week. There is still a chance that a midweek editions are floating around, which not only have the date on them but have either "MIDWEEK EDITION" or "WEEKEND EDITION" on the top of the front page in all caps, early Friday mornings.

Grab a bottle of Journo Juice (tequila) and a shot glass.

We're drinking every time the high school's name comes up.

[IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER] Monday: Why don't you do an article on the [SHOT!] JV Football team as they are 4-2 for the year. It would be great for the guys that has worked very hard everyday on the practice field as well as on Wed.(Gamed nights) to get some recongntion since they are have a pretty good year so far. Nothing has been said about the [SHOT!] JV team. We need to support all of our teams in [THE MUNICIPALITY] not the Varsity. The [SHOT!] JV Football team deserves this recognition.

Friday, 8:42 a.m.: Just look today's newspaper and again nothing was mentioned about the [SHOT!] JV football team. Yeah we did lose to [OTHER HIGH SCHOOL ... SHOT ANYWAY!] on Wed.. However our [SHOT!] JV played their hearts out on the field. The score ended up 51-40, I'm hoping that everyone in [THE MUNICIPALITY] will get to read an article soon about our [SHOT!] JV football players. They are 5-3 right now, but they are doing better than Varsity by far. Our [DRUNK YET?] JV football team needs to reconginzed for all their hardwork this football season.




This sports editor said the article was in the weekend edition and, on top of that, the [TAKE A SHOT FOR THE HELL OF IT] junior varsity team had not been ignored previously. They may not have gotten above the fold several photo treatment but they were in there.

I think this situation is easy to decipher: This person does not read the newspaper.  We all know those people. They know everything about current events and "what's really" going on and are the first to complain about a newspaper not having an article or not getting "the whole story." Then, when you question them about it, they backpedal to "Such and such told me and he/she takes the paper and it said. ..." Then you get the article in question and it doesn't say that at all. Or, better still, it's a leditor that actually gets to the OPINION page.

It reminds me of an e-mail I wish I still had. A former mayor sent me an angry e-mail with a laundry list of factual errors in my article and, as I went down the list, I came to the realization that she was mentioning things that weren't in the article at all. I e-mailed the former mayor back and, upon reading the article, agreed that the errors did not exist. That's it. No my mistake, no I'm sorry, no anything. I wonder how many people were told how horrible of a writer I was for getting the story wrong before the article was read.

But back to this angry sports fan. There could be another explanation for the disappointment in the sports story not being in the edition that came out BEFORE the game: She is a time traveler and we should be too.  You're right. How dare we not mention a sporting event on Wednesday in the previous Tuesday's paper? How are people supposed to know if it's worth going to the [SHOT!] JV game if we don't tell them the score of the [SHOT] JV game the day before? It was a close match but we should have known that people have far more important things to do than going to a losing game of the [SHOT!] JV Football team so we wasted their time by forcing them to sit through that losing game by not giving a detailed description of what took place at the [SHOT!] JV game from the future. Not the Varsity. NOT THE VARSITY.

Or maybe, on a Friday, you should look for the paper that not only says FRIDAY but WEEKEND EDITION.

And I think you all need to send in more leditors so newspaper readers like these can be reconginzed for all their hardwork for writing them.

[SHOT!]

letter the ninth: XOXOXO, a reader

When I think about it, I'm going to get this leditor from Michigan framed and keep it at my desk. It's just so magical. The only thing that could made it better is if it were written on Hello Kitty stationery in cursive with hearts dotting every i and sealed with a kiss. It warms my heart to see how much a reader truly cares.

As a warning to all of you journalists and readers with virgin eyes (none of you), this letter is a bit graphic in its description of the love for the newspaper.

Hey Editors publishers + other assholes on Your (toilet) paper. Is your Dept as Fucked up as you All Are.?

Your paper stinks +  you all Suck, + Fuck (each other.)


You should be printing HorseShit News to match your Brains, you motherfuckin Assholes!!!!!



That's five, count 'em, five exclamation marks. You know this person means business.

Here's my response on behalf of all of teh newz:
In some cultures, newsprint is a delight for the bottom and if your paper stinks, you should try reading the business section before using it to clean up your "business." If the department isn't as fucked up as we are, it needs to hang out with us and a bottle of tequila on a Friday night.  Speaking of Friday nights, in general, we do like to suck, + fuck (but doing it to each other could lead to awkward Monday mornings unless we can blame it on the tequila).  Also, you should have figured out by now that we print BULLshit News, which actually matches the brains of some of us (Or at least our stories after tequila). The HorseShit News only comes out during Derby season.  Also, what happens with us, your mother and assholes is strictly between us and the tequila (your mother's really good).

XOXOXO

letter the eighth: not a prostitute

This one is not a leditor per se but a story from a contributor about an attempt to submit a letter to the editor that went horribly awry. I'm a little skeptical. At the same time, from working in a newsroom, I also see this happening. Either way, I found the mental image of this funny.

Since I find it funny and I need more content, here's a story. And I need more content. Yep, I'm going to beg for it like not a prostitute till the inbox is overflowing.



TO THE LEDITOR:

I used to work in a two-story newspaper building and, because of how customer needs were set up, some of them were sent upstairs into the newsroom.  As some of you know, you really don't want readers in the newsroom.  Ever. They tend to be crude, dirty and sometimes deviant. And I haven't even described the people yet.

As you also know, you also don't want the customers in the newsroom because some of them are a verb short of a nut graf.

One day, we get a woman upstairs who immediately demands submission of a letter to the editor or an article written about her. She had been in our police blotter a while before when she was charged with prostitution, solicitation and trespassing.  I found this to be a good time to start calling sources so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

I'm not saying she was a prostitute but, from how she was dressed that day, I could see how an officer could be confused. Her story was that she was behind a gas station trying to get $5 for gas or something and said the cop asked her what she would do for $5 and then she said ... and this is me tuning out the conversation in front of me.

Our managing editor was in the process of leaving the office early and ran into the scene. The person dealing with the woman and had no idea what to do immediately said, "Here is our managing editor," and quickly retreated.

The woman said she wanted to clear her name. He felt the situation was out of his control, tried to get her to understand there was really nothing we could do and then tried to dump her off on someone else since he was going home. It would have been me, because she was arrested in my beat but, luckily, I moved on to my next call: a state police officer who was about to retire.

As this was going on, I noticed that she had two very large sheets of paper. She unfurled them and showed them to the editor. She had very, very ornate handwriting so it looked like she was trying to hand him the Declaration of Independence.

I got the beep and started to leave a message and it got out of hand in the background quickly.  I paused.

"Run my letter! I am not a prostitute!"

I missed what boss man said but it finally pushed her over the edge.

“I'm gonna go postal; I'll make the massacre at Virginia Tech look like a kindergarten!”

She turned and started to run.  Someone was coming up the stairs and she nearly pushed that person down in the process.

While everyone was still frozen by the WTF-ness after she left the room, I didn't skip a beat.

“As I was saying, we have heard that you were retiring. ...”

Our editor called the polce, we conveniently got her address from the blotter and mailed her a letter from our lawyers saying not to come to the building again.

Although I'm certain he had to have heard it in the voicemail, the state trooper didn't mention the yelling at all when I talked to him.

I wish I could share the leditor but, sadly, she took ye olde leditore with her.

BONUS! CELEBRITOR FOUND! or "It stinks"

I'm not going to say where this was from but you can find it on Google if you look hard enough.

Newspapers verify the sender of letters before they are run, if you didn't know, and it's on their site.  I'm calling this a total confirmed. I also find confirmed, through this celebritor, that MiCHAEL BAY is indeed an "egomanical hack" (despite my moments of SQUEE! every time THE ACTUAL VOiCE ACTOR FROM THE 1980S CARTOON SPOKE AS OPTiMUS PRiME).

OK, from this point forward (maybe) I'm going to stop making fun of that guy's love of the lowercase i when writing in all caps. It's starting to annoy me even more just by doing it.

To the Editor:

The [NEWSPAPER]'s movie critic, [THE CRITIC], seems to be woefully out of touch with pop culture.

The "Transformers" movie's $155 million seven-day haul is the biggest non-sequel opening in box office history. Numbers like that usually mean positive word of mouth on the film is huge, and people are going back.

A friend of mine, Steven Spielberg -- he’s pretty smart about film -- said [THE CRITIC]'s review was idiotic. [THE CRITIC]'s a critic who actually reviewed his dislike for the director, rather then reviewing the movie, like his job description prescribes. [THE CRITIC] talks about the director being an "egomaniacal hack."  Well I don't believe I've ever had the pleasure of meeting [THE CRITIC], though it sounds like he knows me. If [THE CRITIC] actually did know me, he would find me to be a pretty down-to-earth, nice guy.

I implore the editor to give [THE CRITIC] a little relaxation and sunshine, clear his head, let him rediscover that movie-going is supposed to be a fun experience.

Maybe even help him get rid of his hatred.

Michael Bay

Director of "Transformers"

Los Angeles, Ca.




Teh haterz at teh newzpaperz, y they hatin'???/?

Is anyone else picturing Jay Sherman saying "Transformers" stinks every time the phrase "THE CRITIC" appears? You're welcome.

technical letter the seventh: CELEBRITOR!

I wish ... whoops, i capitalized an i there ... a copy of this letter was sent but, considering where this story came from and reading about some of his hissy fits, it's believable.

The person who submitted this used to work for a 40,000-circulation paper way outside of Chicago. Back when the first "Transformers" remake movie came out, their movie critic panned it. As I stated to friends back when it came out and when I totally excited about "G.I. Joe," if you grew up watching it, they were great. Both of those films felt like a blast. They weren't totally the same as the cartoons but you can't really go by the book for a concepts nearly 30 years old.  If you didn't watch them or were expecting it to be exactly like the cartoons or thought you were going to come out of it with a new sense of purpose in life, they sucked.

MiCHAEL BAY, of course, thinks his film was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Apparently, he wrote a letter to this newspaper where he complained about "how unfair the review was and how his 'good friend' Steven Spielberg liked it," the contributor said.

I beg all of you, if you know where this leditor ... er ... celebritor is, send it in for us to see in all its glory and majesty because it's from MiCHAEL BAY. AND HE'S COMPLAiNiNG ABOUT A REViEW iN A 40K CiRCULATiON PAPER. "It wasn't exactly the 'Tribune,' " the contributor said.

I hope he used all caps in there. I need it to be.

If there are any other celebritors, send those along as well.  Speaking of submissions, along with the promised story for Monday, I have more submissions. KEEP THEM COMiNG.

letter the sixth: and you are? ...

Whenever I attend an event, I often see people get angry and/or offended when a politician or some other person in the public eye doesn't remember him or her. My rationale is that a good public figure does remember people but, in seeing countless people a day with days, weeks, months, what have you in between sightings, there is a strong chance you might not get remembered by someone you see in the news all the time.

Sometimes, it's the same way with journalists. People call. People write. People talk to us at events or in the street.  A reporter's job is to talk to strangers all day. The person who has mostly carried this site with submissions admits that some people get forgotten. It's nothing personal He tries to humor everyone who calls (something even I wouldn't do) but not every thing can be covered and not every thing someone thinks is a hot tip is a story.

Near 5 p.m. today, this note apparently was dropped off. The contributor has no recollection of this person whatsoever or what stories she could possible be talking about.  The contributor wonders, if she wanted something run so badly, why didn't she call or submit something or request a talk about whatever it was since she was already in the building?

We journalists (well, at least not the ones on the idiot box) are not ruthless bogeymen trying so see whose life we ruin today by hiding all good news. I mean, if you think you have an awesome story, persistence pays off. If the reporter politely declines, again, it's nothing personal and you often have another news outlet to try. If no one bites, I'm sad to say that just might not be that compelling. But it's the truth.  We can't please everyone and write about everything; it is impossible. It didn't have to come to a passive-aggressive note but at least this leads to keeping this site alive while I hope and pray to Edward R. Murrow that I get enough submissions to be a little more discerning about what winds up here.

By the way, if you haven't picked up from this ludicrously long preface for such a short note, the contributor feels sorry for forgetting this woman (unless the stories are about how her cat took a magical trip to the moon). And I'm not one to pass up trying to get people to understand how journalism works (albeit through a site of strange correspondence). All I'll say further about this is that contacting the media is a two-way street. A simple call saying, "Hey, remember when you said you were going to do something on ___" could have sufficed. And she could have at least refreshed memories in her leditor.

Dear [NAME]

I am upset that you did NOT contact me about 2 stories that I wanted published in the [NEWSPAPER]. They are newsworthy.

Thank you

[SIGNATURE]



For the record, our contributor said, she was called and was not at home. Probably because she was in transit when the call was placed.  The contributor also said trying to remember who she is and what she wants is still drawing a blank.

letter the fifth: we'll see

This one was typed nicely (but with some technical mistakes most likely out of outrage) but was incredibly long. Long story short, this woman does not like living next to a waterfront park. At the time, it wasn't officially a park and was more of an overgrown patch of abandoned city-owned property. The journalist who submitted this letter does admit that the park story was a little flowery but there are times when you think to yourself, why not? This first step toward making a proper park wasn't the most exciting of events and I might as well see if I still have the skills to write that novel I've been talking about for 30 years that will get me out of this industry.

As an aside, the contributor notes that the park has been completed and is quite serene, clean and popular most days. No word, the contributor said, if the leditor writer is still outraged at the family movie nights there over the summer or the enlarged second annual river race and other special events since it is now a real park.



To the [NEWSPAPER] Editor

What a glowing description appeared in the [NEWSPAPER] on January 2 of a new pier Construction at the [NAME OF THE PARK] (which doesn't exist yet) on [NAME OF WHAT WAS ONCE ON THE PROPERTY]. It is described as, "An introduction to a long-time acquaintance," an acquaintance to whom or what? Also, they say this being constructed will be seen from the windows of their cars"  ... where? Seems to me you see the pier at [ANOTHER LANDMARK] as you come into [THE MUNICIPALITY]; do you turn around from the seat next to the driver when headed out of town to see this? What is it? A pier 100 feet long with a 10 foot by 16 foot T-head. It doesn't reach the navigable part of the river and as I described it to the Marine Resources Commission it is a pier to "nowhere."

And specifically, where is this being built? The "land" leading to it was formed by a storm sewer flowing into the river from downtown and it is actually "wetlands" and supposedly not a choice place to build anything. An ice storm could easily wipe it out and I know that from experience with my own pier that was once a bit further down the river.

And yes, it is supposed to attract lovers of the Appomattox to this site. Right now for every fisherman or two who can only try their hand at high tide, and the occasional dog-walker who is going by as I write, the only people attracted there are beer, wine or other spirits drinkers, loud-mouth characters with foul language heard easily from my porch, and of course, there were even four homeless camped on the hill above this "scenic beauty." In the winter campfires were built when these vagrants decided the area was ideal for an evening of drinking and smoking (and the use the word "smoking" facetiously because it's not only cigarette butts found disposed of there.) People who are concerned about the small park now there police the waterfront at least weekly to get rid of the miss and there's a lot of it.

This is supposed to "improve" with this addition? The undesirables will stay away and the desirable citizens will flock here? Those of us who live here and have our homes on the riverbanks don't think so. When asked our approval of this pier to nowhere a fence was proposed to protect homeowners from encroachment, in fact it was promised, but it was not added to the final plans in the grant for the city. Promises are cheap ... don't hold your breath and don't assume the undesirables will not frequent what will be even more attractive to them.

Time will tell, I have a "wood framed view" from the window of my home as do others upriver who would overlook the still fictional [PARK]. They are calling this pier "Riverview Landing" when nothing can land there. I surmise that is the name for the pier since one can "see the proud eaves of [A LANDMARK] (to the east) and the bridge and marina (to the west)" ... the latter now for sale and may not be used in this way? And this trail, does it have permission to go by [PRIVATE PROPERTY]? News to me.

I mentioned the grant being matched by the city to fund this pier to nowhere ... yes, grants that came from "various donors" that include plants that were fined for inappropriate emissions, according to one source involved in this project. Water quality monitoring is to benefit from this grant ... already taking place at other points on the river. Why? This is a tidal river; the water comes and goes and another monitoring station is going to help make it clean?

It was also mentioned that kayak users love the river … the plan for the pier doesn’t address this at all; they can’t “launch” from the proposed configuration although an alternative plan incorporating a flat pier with access to the water for such river lovers was proposed and would be far less intrusive that what is now, unfortunately, a foregone conclusion.
[ INFORMATION ABOUT HOW WELL-TO-DO AND IMPORTANT HER HUSBAND WAS]

I may be called “ranting and raving” by those who have lofty claims about the site of the “annual River Rally” (I can recall only one year) and did anyone after that rally mention that a woman was bleeding on the head from an object thrown during that rally … the police arrived later at my home to inquire if anyone had seen the “thugs” who came up from the park and down the street in front of my house?

Please – tell it like it is, MONEY NOT SPENT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CITIZENS OF [THE MUNICIPALITY]. Yes or no? we’ll see.

[SIGNATURE]


We’ll also see if we’ll get more content. After the last plea, I got a brief comment I will post tomorrow and I’ve been promised an amusing story of a ranting woman in a newsroom for Monday.  After that, we’ll see about more leditors.

i NEED LEDiTORS

So far, so good. We have a nice following on facebook and my friend has sent links on Twitter. The only problem is that, personally, I only had five business days worth of leditors.

That said, we are obviously in need of submissions or tomorrow's the last one. We won't release the name of the paper, the sender or the writer. Photos and/or e-mails can be sent to leditoreditor@gmail.com. It doesn't even have to be a pure letter to the editor. It could be general feedback to your newspaper, magazine or news Web site that didn't make the cut. Or even a crazy message you got from someone who has no concept of how a newspaper works. Or correspondence to your news organization from someone who is downright crazy. I might be able to use crazy voice mails to the media in the future.

letter the fourth: CAPiTAL letters

Sorry. It's a cell phone photo today. It gets the gist of this letter, though. I'm not even going type it in its style because I would go crazy. Just pretend it's (almost) all caps.

In this era, where there is a proliferation of sans serif fonts, we have a problem of where it has become obvious why there are serifs.  There are fonts where it can be hard to tell the difference between an capital I and a lowercase l. Some fonts fixed that problem by having the I dotted at all times. As far as I'm concerned, and I with a dot over it is always a lowercase I. Furthermore, if you're using all caps or the font is all caps, there should be no way that anyone would think it was an l. In general, there are few instances where one would see and I and think it's an l. Then again, there is a chance of confusing an I with a 1 but let's not get into all of this. You're here for the leditor editor.

This fellow, who sent in a letter with an obvious pseudonym, just wanted to make sure there was no mistake. He dotted every I and crossed every T. And has a splendid analogy to share. There is only one obvious paragraph break SO i AM REALLY DOiNG YOU A FAVOR BY DROPPiNG THE CAPiTAL LETTERS.

CLOSE THE BACK DOOR
BEFORE iT'S TO LATE!

A friend of mine had a highly successful restaurant in a great location. One day he decided to bring this successful concept to an area he thought was in need of a good resturant. This neighborhood had alot of foot traffic, some buisnesses and alot of run-down resturants. He opened his rented a place and readied it for buisness. An employee noticed ants and rodents coming in around the back door. He said we have to open now and deal with that later. We must get these customers in first. The employee said we should have a security guard at our front door because this area is very rough. No we must open now.

[POSSiBLE PARAGRAPH BREAK] Well on the first day, he was robbed. The insects and rodents became so bad he had to close the 1st week. He almost lost his highly successful resturant due to borrowing funds to support this mis-adventure. And he later found out the neighborhood was run by a drug lord and he was not wanted there in the 1st place.

[POSSiBLE PARAGRAPH BREAK] This reminds me of the United States and being in Afghanistan. We have a highly successful country. We were warned about our back door being left pen for who knows what to come in. (our borders) We hurry to Afghanistan to get the Taliban while they are there. We need more troops to do it right. (security guard). The govt. will fix these problems later. Right now lets get the battle started. Our troops are being killed because we don't have enough security and this is a rough area. Remind you of something? Number 1, we better fix our back door. We also know Afghanistan supplies 95% of the world's herroin heroin heroin so we are going up against drug lords of the entire world? Finally, do they really want us there. Fix the United States 1st before it's to late. If we do this right, another 9-11 can be prevented. Track down what has come in through the back door and contain it. Make sure there's no terrorist threat.

We know where the Taliban are. Leave them there. Bring our soldiers home, then level the areas where Taliban is hiding with an arsenal of bombs that will change the terrain and geographic make-up of that area forever.

on facebook

FROM THE LEDITOR

A good friend of mine has set up a facebook fan page. Just search for "TO THE EDITOR" and it should be one of the first things that comes up. He's new to this whole making a fan page thing, he said, so it might look a little wonky right now.

Also, send in some submissions!  After I run out of the crazy here, the content of this site will be supported by viewers like you.

letter the third (and nearly fourth)

There has been a series of letters from one man. I don't have all of them but I do have the last two.
The first was written from jail. Well, I should say that is was carved in jail. You can distinctly feel the words on the other side of the page. GET YOUR ALL CAPS EYES READY. I THINK THE QUOTATION MARKS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ASTERISKS BUT SOMETIMES THEY SERVE SOMEWHAT PROPERLY AS QUOTATION MARKS. SORTA.

 

TO THE [RETRACTED] EDITOR:

I WRITE THIS LETTER TO INFORM PEOPLE AND HOPEFULLY BRING ABOUT POSITIVE CHANGES.

I HAVE BEEN IN JAIL NOW FOR (14) MONTHS FOR A CHARGE THAT EVEN "IF" I WAS FOUND GUILTY OF A PERSON WOULD NORMALLY RECEIVE "NO" JAIL TIME FOR.

A "SO CALLED" PSYCHOLOGIST FROM THE STATE SAID THAT EVEN "IF" STATE PEOPLE WERE POISONING CHILDREN, GETTING KICKBACKS, AND KILLING PEOPLE TO COVER UP THEIR ACTIONS, I HAD "NO" RIGHT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

OUR FOUNDING FATHERS, MANY OF WHOM WERE FROM VIRGINIA, COULD NOT DISAGREE MORE. THEY MADE IT CLEAR WE THE PEOPLE NOT ONLY HAD A RIGHT TO REDRES GOVERNMENT FOR GRIEVEANCES, BUT ALSO A DUTY TO STAND UP TO SUCH WICKNESS!

I DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO CARE ABOUT ME OR THE CHILDREN I AM TRYING TO SAVE, BUT I AM LIKE A CANARY IN A COAL MINE. IF I FALL VICTIM TO THE "EVIL EMPIRE" THEN "YOU" AND THE PEOPLE "YOU" CARE ABOUT "MAY" BE NEXT!

READ THE CHARLES DICKENS BOOK "THE CHRISTMAS CAROL." LOOK CAREFULLY AT THE CHILDREN "IGNORANCE" AND "WANT." BOTH ARE SAD SOULS, BUT "IGNORANCE" IS THE WORST AS ONE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW WHO HIS FRIENDS AND ENEMIES TRULY ARE, AND THEREFORE HOW TO PROCEED.

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER IS "NOT" MORE GOVERNMENT MONEY, BUT LESS!

[SIGNATURE]

PART OF [MUNICIPALITY'S] UNOFFICIAL LAW ENFORCEMENT TEAM

HOLDING OUR LOCAL GOVERNMENT

[WAIT FOR IT]
[WAIT FOR IT]
ACCOUNTABLE!



He prefaced the next letter, from when he got out of jail, with something along the ranges of we'll find it interesting. Sadly, a few days later, we got this.

TO THE [RETRACTED] EDITOR:

PLEASE DO NOT PUBLISH MY LETTER AS IT MAY CAUSE ME EVEN MORE PROBLEMS. I HAVE RETHOUGHT MY ACTIONS.

He lucked out; if this were to run, he would have told us not to do it after the presses ran.

letter the second. Not going to try to transcribe.

I guess we're supposed to read between the lines?

letter the first

To the Editor

Is there a such thing as Voodoo, witchcraft etc. I'm a Christian (Church of Christ) and I know there is such a thing as evil Black arts. You don't Have to be afraid of it to believe it's there. there are some people who worship the devil faithfully as I Worship God. yes there are Satan followers (just like I follow Jesus). it may be your Neighbor, it may be your boss, coworkers, Some of your friends, or even a family member. there was a woman [who] met a man who was a devil worshiper. She met met him walking to the Store. In any case she took him to her church [and] he got baptized. She thought he had changed. instead of converting him, he was able to convert her. he made a necklace out of Turkey and chicken bones to keep evil away. She was not in her Right mind. his mom and sister called her N. Word and other Names. and She would sit at his house for hours his mom had a big Red Voodoo doll that he Said his mother tried to kill her with. the man and the Lady Broke up she got her mind back, and returned back to Church. She goes to church faithfully and prays daily she met a man who treats her Right and loves the lord (prays) six times a day. they pray together every morning. God Bless.

TO THE EDITOR

Hi. I am the editor of a newspaper. Like all newspapers, we get letters to the editor. We can't publish some of them because they could incite hatred, make incredibly false and defamatory statements, or are definitely things you wouldn't put in a family newspaper (although certain TV "news" organizations are pushing that envelope). Some of them are downright crazy.

This blog contains letters from my paper and others that didn't make the cut to the opinions page, delightful letters from celebrities, stories about crazy people making it into the newspaper building and other strange correspondence with our dear readers. These people wanted their letters out for the world to see and here it is.

If you have a letter to submit, send it to my name over in the sidebar, Leditor Editor (with no space), @gmail.com.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the name Leditor Editor, it comes from when my copy editor misspoke one day.

I guess I should put some rules up, shouldn't I? To submit, send an e-mail and, if it was a handwritten gem, send a photo of that as well. If I don't run the letter you didn't run, it's nothing personal. Much like your newspaper, there is a point where I'll feel that I can't post something. Maybe. And I might get a ton of these so I'll have to make a decision on what goes when and where. I'll extract things to keep you, the letter writer and your newspaper from being identified unless it's a celebritor. I don't know what I'm going to do with spelling and minor grammar issues (e.g. changing im to I'm) yet. I love it when people capitalize nouns like it's 1774 so I'll let those stand. I'm definitely letting capitalization oddities stand. If I have to add a word for clarity, it will be put in brackets. I reserve the right to make up more rules as I go along. I aslo reserve teh right to make spelling erros myslef.