letter the eighteenth: hell again

When we last left off Ms. NOT THE VARSITY, was asked when she got her paper because, although [SHOT!] JV football wasn't covered extensively, it was in the paper. She apparently isn't satisfied with the coverage they gave [SHOT!] JV football or she does not read this newspaper at all because the reply to her e-mails makes it seem that the [SHOT!] JV football is definitely getting some sort of coverage and I'm assuming it's on Fridays in this twice-weekly newspaper the games are midweek.  We'll probably find out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop before we know why she doesn't get the logic behind an event on Wednesday being in a Friday paper and not the following Tuesday if it's a twice-weekly paper.

I really, really hope she has a kid on the team or I think this sports editor needs to alert child protective services. And/or just give her the gift of spell check this Christmas.

[A TUESDAY] Hell Again,
Wanted to send you a quick e-mail on today's [NEWSPAPER]. I picked up today's paper and still NO article on the [SHOT!] JV football. I see a huge article on the [VARSITY! SOCIAL!] football game and everyother team in [REGION]. Even a article on the cheerleading competition that was last week. I was hoping to see an article on our [SHOT!] JV football but NOTHING!. We are playing tomorrow night against [TEAM] in [MUNICIPALITY] so I will buy another paper come Friday to see just maybe if they will be mentioned. All of their Parents, Fans & Supports will be looking as well.
Regards,
HUGE [SHOT!] JV FOOTBALL TEAM FAN!!!!!!!



Seven exclamation marks. She means more business than the guy who didn't like the HorseShit New.

letter the seventeenth: anything for love but not the varsity

When we last met NOT THE VARSITY, the e-mail had a reply along the ranges of "Do you read the friggin' newspaper?!" because, this paper apparently does cover the [SHOT!] JV football games but not extensively because ... well ... it's [SHOT!] JV football.  I'm not a sports editor and I know that no one really covers [SHOT!] JV football. I don't know where anyone would fit it in a sports section with high school, college and professional sports. I can't even think of a newspaper that covers [SHOT!] JV football at any length at all except for maybe in some agate at the bottom of a page. Additionally, that would lead to a slippery slope of having to cover every single rec league and vacant lot baseball game until the sports writers go on a rampage with a cricket bat.

Then again, covering all of the sports under the sun would probably sell more papers. ...

Anyway, here is the response to the e-mail that stated that [SHOT!] JV football is covered in some for and fashion and she would know that if she read or subscribed to the newspaper.

[NAME],
Evidently I did miss that last Friday, I will have to look again at the newspaper. I don't get a subscription, I buy my newspaper at the store. Why are you so curious of when I buy my newspaper, what does that matter? Where & when I receive my paper has nothing to do with the [SHOT!] JV football team. I'm just trying to get our [SHOT!] JV football some recognition as they have a pretty good year. Our boys have worked really hard and they deserve some recognition [RECOGNITION IS FINALLY SPELLED RIGHT! SOCIAL!]. I see plastered all over the paper about [NOT JUST THE VARSITY BUT OTHER VARSITY TEAMS! CHUG!] I never see anything about the [SHOT!] JV football team. I have had several fans & parents at our games wondering why our boys haven't had an article written about them.
I really appreciate you responding to all my e-mails. I will be looking forward to reading the article in Tuesday's paper.



I will be looking forward to this saga continuing. As well as some more leditors.

letter the sixteenth: too much leditor for one room

Sorry for the lateness. I had to do things like edit my newspaper. As I mentioned before, the [SHOT!] JV Football team's biggest fan sent more leditors. Lots more.

Yes, that is a rubber snake on my desk. Don't ask. Here is the next one in the now five-page drinking game series.

Hello it's me again,
Well [SHOT!] JV football team pulled off another win last night against [TEAM]. It would be really nice to see an article in the good ole [NEWSPAPER] about our [SHOT!] JV football team. It woudl be great have the players feel llike our community appreciates their hard work to be 6-3. They may not have the perfect season this year but they have done a lot better than the [OMG THE VARSITY! SOCIAL!] team has done. The [NEWSPAPER] can write articles about everyother team in the [REGION] but our [SHOT!] JV FOOTBALL team.



There was a reply attached to this one.

[NAME],
Did you miss the pictures and score of the JV team last Friday? I am told we have some poor pictures of the [OTHER TEAM] game but no room for tomorrow but something will be in Tuesday. When do you get your subscription delivered? Just curious.



Five bucks says this person never gets the paper. Her response comes tomorrow.

[SHOT!]

letter the tenth: flux capacitor needed for recongn ... recongin ... aw, forget it

This leditor came to a sports editor in Virginia whose paper comes out twice a week. There is still a chance that a midweek editions are floating around, which not only have the date on them but have either "MIDWEEK EDITION" or "WEEKEND EDITION" on the top of the front page in all caps, early Friday mornings.

Grab a bottle of Journo Juice (tequila) and a shot glass.

We're drinking every time the high school's name comes up.

[IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER] Monday: Why don't you do an article on the [SHOT!] JV Football team as they are 4-2 for the year. It would be great for the guys that has worked very hard everyday on the practice field as well as on Wed.(Gamed nights) to get some recongntion since they are have a pretty good year so far. Nothing has been said about the [SHOT!] JV team. We need to support all of our teams in [THE MUNICIPALITY] not the Varsity. The [SHOT!] JV Football team deserves this recognition.

Friday, 8:42 a.m.: Just look today's newspaper and again nothing was mentioned about the [SHOT!] JV football team. Yeah we did lose to [OTHER HIGH SCHOOL ... SHOT ANYWAY!] on Wed.. However our [SHOT!] JV played their hearts out on the field. The score ended up 51-40, I'm hoping that everyone in [THE MUNICIPALITY] will get to read an article soon about our [SHOT!] JV football players. They are 5-3 right now, but they are doing better than Varsity by far. Our [DRUNK YET?] JV football team needs to reconginzed for all their hardwork this football season.




This sports editor said the article was in the weekend edition and, on top of that, the [TAKE A SHOT FOR THE HELL OF IT] junior varsity team had not been ignored previously. They may not have gotten above the fold several photo treatment but they were in there.

I think this situation is easy to decipher: This person does not read the newspaper.  We all know those people. They know everything about current events and "what's really" going on and are the first to complain about a newspaper not having an article or not getting "the whole story." Then, when you question them about it, they backpedal to "Such and such told me and he/she takes the paper and it said. ..." Then you get the article in question and it doesn't say that at all. Or, better still, it's a leditor that actually gets to the OPINION page.

It reminds me of an e-mail I wish I still had. A former mayor sent me an angry e-mail with a laundry list of factual errors in my article and, as I went down the list, I came to the realization that she was mentioning things that weren't in the article at all. I e-mailed the former mayor back and, upon reading the article, agreed that the errors did not exist. That's it. No my mistake, no I'm sorry, no anything. I wonder how many people were told how horrible of a writer I was for getting the story wrong before the article was read.

But back to this angry sports fan. There could be another explanation for the disappointment in the sports story not being in the edition that came out BEFORE the game: She is a time traveler and we should be too.  You're right. How dare we not mention a sporting event on Wednesday in the previous Tuesday's paper? How are people supposed to know if it's worth going to the [SHOT!] JV game if we don't tell them the score of the [SHOT] JV game the day before? It was a close match but we should have known that people have far more important things to do than going to a losing game of the [SHOT!] JV Football team so we wasted their time by forcing them to sit through that losing game by not giving a detailed description of what took place at the [SHOT!] JV game from the future. Not the Varsity. NOT THE VARSITY.

Or maybe, on a Friday, you should look for the paper that not only says FRIDAY but WEEKEND EDITION.

And I think you all need to send in more leditors so newspaper readers like these can be reconginzed for all their hardwork for writing them.

[SHOT!]