letter the twenty-second: for the love, someone take this dog

Apparently, the editor who received the pet ad decided to engage both of the spammers/scammers and is waiting for their replies.

"Ah, and so the scam comes to light," the contributor said. Shall I have fun with 'Ben Jones?' I think so."

I hope so.

Let's see. The editor points out that it's the wrong department and gives the e-mail address for classifieds. Additionally, since it makes sense that "Ben Jones" would be local, suggests giving them a call. The editor also points out that it's a twice weekly (as you may recall, Benny-Boy wanted this to run for seven days in all of the pappers).

Two days later, most likely to make sure that enough vodka is ingested to lose all knowledge of the English language, Benjamin half apologizes for bothering the editor with his bullshit scam ad but, by the way, can you tell me when the ad will starting running and ending? I'm so eager to use this credit card number I stole acquired as soon as possible and be long gone with someone's money without having to give away my dear precious yorkis because I'll be able to rent a place that doesn't have a pet policy.

Come one, we write porrrly-spelled bullshit for a living. What's making you thinking we wouldn't see this as a fake, Ben?

letter the twentieth: WHO WANTS THIS DOG?

The dog is a lie.

The contributor got a third similar e-mail about dogs going to a good home and decided to reply for the benefit of the doubt.

"I guess this scam works by them using someone's identity to buy an ad and then  they somehow get people to give them info in exchange for a non-existent dog," the contributor said.

I think the editor must have been bored. Then again, this sounds so exciting. Jamie is selling/giving away pets!  She or he is willing to pay for it! I can't believe Jamie wants to give your (or anyone's for that matter) newspaper money. No one likes to give newspapers money (especially corporate).  Wait, let me rephrase that. Jamie wants to give YOUR MEDIA money. Please, please tell her how to proceed.

The editor was nice enough to inform Jamie of the nature of their circulation and that she should contact classifieds. The the same dog an pony show appears minus the pony. And the shorts.

I'm glad to see Jamie is an individual. We don't accept ads from the Borg although we've been told resistance is futile. I had no idea how popular Yorkie puppies are and that everyone gets them in twos. Some guy has been trying to get rid of two for quite a bit now. You may have seen him at the last Yorki/Yorkie puppy meet and greet; he was the guy who made sure his puppies had all of their official pappers.

Also, way to change e-mail addresses during this exchange and offer to send over credit card info. This all sounds legit. Totally legit. An individual and for all we know the Borg has four puppies they're dying to get rid of because you always fail to ask if a place is pet friendly AFTER you get two puppies.

I hope this exchange continues.

letter the nineteenth: ad pet

"I'm guessing the ad department figured this was sketch or spam," today's contributor said. "He either writes spam for a living and forgot how to write like a normal human being or it is spam."

Fourteen days after wanting this in all of the "pappers," the person/spammer tries again. Apparently the only thing different is that the "ad advert" has become "ad pet."

"It's not even a forward," our contributor said. "It's a fresh e-mail. The only thing different is the new subject line and the line breaks. If you need to get rid of the dog so badly and we haven't responded to an e-mail yet, there is a thing called a telephone. Oh wait. Spambots don't have telephones."

Spambots do have "pappers" though. And yorkis with current shorts.

If this contributor keeps getting this e-mail, I may need to create a new drinking game.

letter the fifteenth: question answered

I've always wondered why some spam e-mails were so poorly written.  I mean, you would think they would snare in more people if PayPal wasn't spelled pay pall or the syntax makes no sense whatsoever (e.g. An inn when he suddenly noticed).

I've discovered why they do that: only three people have a grasp of the English language. Take this request for a small classified ad for example.

Hello,
I am writing to place an ad for pet and i want it online and in newspaper. I can make prepayment with a credit card. Please email me back and let me know what you need for my ad.
HERE IS MY AD COPY : 2 AKC registered puppies free to good home, . They have current shorts and play along with children and other animals. contact ([E-MAIL ADDRESS]) for more information.
Above is my ad copy and i will like the ad to run for just 7 days in all your pappers and online.
The reason why i want to give the dogs away is because, i'm relocating to a new apartment and my new landlord does not accept animal so i have to find a good home for them.
I await your e-mail.
Thank you



The person who forwarded this said the e-mail went straight to the spam folder that he just happened to be checking. He figured it was a scam anyway, since most free puppy ads wind up meaning "I don't know how to take care of animals but I don't want the horrible death of this one to be on my hands. Take this free $50,000 vet bill!"

Since the e-mail address isn't obviously one for a newspaper (the contributor's pseudo-private e-mail address that is only posted in the physical paper) and the sender mentioned that it was a newspaper, the contributor is going with there is a real-live person behind this. I'm going with that too. So I can make fun of the e-mail.

It starts out fine: you want an ad and you're willing to pay for it. You just bought me one more day before the layoffs. I really hope you don't want to do this completely by e-mail but, if so, it's your credit card number you're willing to e-mail it to us, it's your identity.

We're glad you want out feedback for your ad. We're also glad your puppies have current shorts. The last thing anyone needs are puppies in things that were so two years ago.

We also value your explanation on why you want to give the dogs away. We really care. Really. We always ask why people sell things on the classified page. If we think you're a prick trying to pawn off two terrors to someone, the ad is off.  But you need a good home for the puppies. We'll be delighted to put them in our pappers. We'll even put them in the papers as well but it'll cost you more.